Published September 17, 2009
I've never been much of a song writer, but these lines came to my head the other day. I figured I should write them down. Tell me what you think. (I've tried to fix the spacing, but it's being silly. Sorry for the mess. They were originally in their own little paragraphs 'n everything. 
)
Burn the Flame
I can't see
I can't see who to blame
You can burn the evidence
but you can't burn the flame
When standing up is much too hard
and you can't find out who you are
When lying down is easier in the rain
When water falls onto your face
but blood is what you thought you'd taste
'cause only blood could come from this kind of pain
I can't see
I can't see who to blame
You can burn the evidence
but you can't burn the flame
but you can't burn the flame
Somehow I'll patch up the black hole
that drags me down, that takes its toll
but until then I'm struggling to stay sane
'cause I can't burn this flame
I can't see
I can't see who to blame
you can burn the evidence
but you can't burn the flame
I'm going slowly insane
'cause I can't burn this flame
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140,830 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Cool. This is really catchy. I agree that it could use another verse,but otherwise I really enjoyed it. It kind of made me think of Paramore. "Burn the Flame
I can't see
I can't see who to blame
You can burn the evidence
but you can't burn the flame
When standing up is much too hard
and you can't find out who you are
When lying down is easier in the rain
When water falls onto your face
but blood is what you thought you'd taste
cause only blood could come from this kind of pain" I love those lines.
I really liked this song too, although i have to agree with lordgluzman about the length. Depending on how long you plan the instrumental sections to be you might want to try adding another verse or a middle eigth section or something? But besides that i think the lyrics you have so far are good so well done
I really liked the lyrics, I imagined the singer from the band called In Flamessinging this. But the problem that this song is short and basically your song is made up of only chorus. That kined of makes the lyrics boring, but it was good. Just remmember to strecth out your song. A rock song usually has three parts
Intro,
Then the explanation about the whole point of the song,
(Usually there is a solo then)
At last you must explain the outcome,
Thats how I usually write my lyrics. I hope that this helped you!
Hey, there!
It's been a while since I visited the Lyrics section. Forgive me for any obscure comments, haha.
First off, I'm going to try and guess the meaning of this song. The rest of the comments I make will be based from that assumption. This way if I get the meaning all wrong, you already know there's something to work on: The message isn't portrayed well! So yes.
Hypothesized Message: The speaker is living in some sort of guilt or regret and the thought is plaguing their mind. Even if time has passed and all evidence pertaining to the event is gone, the memory still lurks within them; thus, the speaker is singing about that guilt.
I'll go verse by verse. I'm going to skip the refrain 'cause I, personally, believe it's rather fantastic. So!
I'm not quite sure why this is split into two stanzas, especially since the last line of the first stanza and the first line of the second stanza go together. But yeah. That's not the point!
When standing up is much too hard
and you can't find out who you are
When lying down is easier in the rain
I've tried really hard to figure out what this means, but all three lines don't seem related at all. xD In the first line, you're talking about not wanting to stand. The second line refers to not knowing who you are. And then we end with wanting to lie down in the rain (which actually ties into the next verse).
I think if you take those three lines and make separate stanzas for them, this song will be longer and make more sense. (I do believe this song could be longer!) Or maybe just two. Have the first line be its own stanza, the second line be its own stanza, and move the third line into the next stanza. Of course, I don't know what the music is and how you can work all this movement. But if you wanted to make the adjustment, you'll find out a way!
When water falls onto your face
but blood is what you thought you'd taste
'cause only blood could come from this kind of pain
Only problem here is how obscurely long that last line is. XD If it works with the music, then ignore this comment. Reading the lyrics, it throws off the rhythm.
Somehow I'll patch up the black hole
that drags me down, that takes its toll
but until then I'm struggling to stay sane
'cause I can't burn this flame
This stanza is actually quite marvelous. That last line, I think you should insert an adjective in front of flame. "...'cause I can't burn this [freaking] flame." Whatever works for you. XD Putting a negative term like "freaking" or its foul counterpart "effing" seems to work with the rest of the song, assuming it's about guilt.
That's all the comments I need to make. Someone can come by and comment on more if they wish. I hope I helped a little bit. I really like the burning flame concept. It made me really happy inside. I hope this turns out well for you! If you need any help, feel free to contact me. I'm more than happy to help!
Keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!
I like it! It's really good. The way the images come in your head. Very nice.
Sorry, that's it, I have nothing else to say. Brain-dead moment.